A male “friend,” FA, has been in hot pursuit for almost two years, annoyingly so.  I thought I was handling it well, being friendly but never allowing it to go further than that.

I met FA for lunch alone once, before I truly understood his intentions.  He kissed me at the end of the lunch; I pulled away and left.  I never met him alone again, even though he’s asked several times.

Another time, at a different friend’s house, FA draped all over me, extremely drunk, trying to pull down my shoulder straps. I moved away, he followed.  I moved again, he followed again.  Back and forth, up and down.  Our host was texting his girlfriend and didn’t notice at first.  But when he did, he stepped in and told FA it was time to go home.

Despite all of this, because of some mutual ties, I have continued to be polite to FA.

Tonight, when passing my desk, I noticed a text on my phone.  Apparently, FA had called while I was upstairs cleaning.  When I didn’t pick up the phone, he’d sent this text:

Can u be any ruder or what? I mean if you don’t like me and don’t want to hang just fucking say it…otherwise this ignoring my texts and calls is pretty infantile.

First, text-speak such as “u” instead of “you” sets me on edge.  I can barely tolerate it in adolescents; I find it absolutely puerile in grown ups, especially in a message that purports to be serious.

Strike one…for juvenile spelling.  I am giving him a pass on the sloppy punctuation.

Second, I have a life.  And while it may not be glamorous, I was busy…and away from my phone scrubbing toilets.  So…surprise, surprise…I was not waiting breathlessly for his call.

Strike two…for self-centered egoism.

Third, leave a message.  Duh.  Silly me, I foolishly assume someone who wants contact will take the time to say so.  But after the nastygram, I checked my phone logs and saw FA had dialed – and hung up – pre-text.

Strike three…for sheer laziness, cowardice and arrogant assumptions.

He’s nowhere near the ballpark at this point.

My rather measured answer?

Excuse me?  Not that I owe you an explanation, but I was upstairs cleaning bathrooms.  I don’t carry my phone with me everywhere.  Sorry.  But since you say I’m rude anyway, let me be blunt.  I am NOT interested in pursuing anything with you outside of [group] get togethers, especially after this childish outburst.  Clear enough?

I won’t even repeat his abusively nasty response to that, except…

He claims it’s my fault: I led him on.

I confess.  I am guilty: Of not putting him in his place when he grabbed me and kissed me unasked and uninvited.  Of not slapping him and telling him off when he tried to pull my top down, generously attributing his behavior to drunken idiocy.  Of answering his texts and calls kindly…and regularly, if not every single time.  Of saying thank you when he complimented my dress and ignoring him when he got crude about it.  Of being friendly and interacting nicely at our group dinners.

So yup, that’s me.  One great big man-hatin’ cock tease.

Argh.  Can’t we all just get along?

I’m giving up on this whole man-woman thing and crawling under a rock.