Today I discovered, through the horror or miracle of Facebook, that Organic Farmer was seriously injured at work yesterday. I don’t know how or why. His lungs have collapsed and, as of this writing, he’s still unconscious. They had to resuscitate him on site before rushing him to the hospital.
This is all I know, gleaned from comments on his Facebook page. It’s killing me that I don’t know more, but I bless the friend who thought to post the news onto OF’s page. Since we’re Facebook friends, OF’s real world friends have no idea I exist. They wouldn’t know to contact me. I’ve sent out a few messages to the friends who seem to be posting regularly, but I haven’t had any responses yet.
We hadn’t chatted for awhile, but lately he’s been posting beautiful Bach: arias, cantatas, all manners of choral works. Bach has been on his mind lately. His last post, eerily enough, was a requiem.
The last time we chatted, he told me, again, that he loves me. As usual, I pulled my reluctant, “yeah, right” attitude and didn’t respond in kind, but we segued into an involving discussion about love in general and what it means to men and women. I know he’s absolutely sincere in his love for me, even if it’s not the traditional, till-death-do-we-part kind of love. We’ve both acknowledged a strange, indefinable connection and recognize a bond between us that is far from romantic, yet far more than mere friendship.
We’d planned to meet, finally, in two weeks, when I visit OF’s city. I’d put off meeting him in June, distracted by goings-on at the chess camp. And I admit I’d put him on the back burner slightly for this upcoming visit; I was caught up in Surfer Dude’s exciting flirtations. Organic Farmer is far more serious, philosophical, thoughtful, someone I imagined to be a true long-term friend, someone who could wait because he would always be there…waiting. He’s cerebral, spiritual, grounded: my chamber music partner, my confidante.
I can only hope I’ll be able to see him, in any form or fashion.
I can only hope I can tell him how much I have come to care for him and to rely on his friendship.
I can only hope I can tell him that I love him, too.